The Corporate Law Group

Viva Socialism!

There is a lot of talk about socialism these days. We’re for it. We’ve always been opposed to venture capital and we’re looking forward to helping usher in the era of venture socialism. Startups will do so much better without having to convince anyone that they have a good idea, or prove it in a competitive marketplace. Our client OnlineCinderBlocks.com will finally get funded.

The free market is so messy. Everyone starting new things, taking risks, pursuing things they think are a good idea. Many fail, a few succeed. It would be much more orderly to have a central planner deciding what things are pursued. Samuel Langley, and Solyndra, would finally have the endless funding they needed.

And there would be no loss of interesting new products and services. Founders don’t create new things for their own personal enrichment. Most try new things solely for the good of humankind. So all that creation, innovation, and entrepreneurship would continue unabated.

“Democratic Socialism?” OK, you can stick another word in front of it as long as you don’t dilute the death of the free market. So what if China and Vietnam discovered capitalism in the last two decades and their people are prospering? They have abandoned the beautiful thing we are building.

Of course since, in Marxist theory, socialism is an imperfect first step on the road to communism, we will not have achieved our goal yet. But at least we’ll finally be post capitalism. After all, why should Elon Musk reap the rewards of Tesla, not to speak of Zuckerberg, Schultz, or Kalanick? They didn’t build that. Maybe we can even achieve equality of outcome in sports or music. Why should Lionel Messi and Jared Leto get to play soccer and sing when so many others want to?

We know that Acton was wrong and power doesn’t corrupt so why not let a central committee decide how coffee, iPhones (zPhones?), electric cars, and healthcare are delivered? Can’t a few experts organizing our society beat the messy free market any day? And if they decide that we only get two rolls of toilet paper per family next week, that’s a small price to pay for utopia, isn’t it?

Since families act under socialist principals out of love for each other, why not apply those principals to 320,000,000 people? Stalin, Mao, Pol Pot, etc. all did it wrong, but I’m confident this time we will get it right. After all, why should the lessons of history interrupt our work creating a just society? Santayana be damned.

Those who love and help people voluntarily with their own resources are OK, but they are not enough. “To each according to their needs,” right? It feels good to take someone else’s possessions to give to the poor. That is compassion. So let’s have at it. Bernie Sanders had it right; why do we need 23 kinds of underarm deodorants when children are starving?

And if wages go down a bit, we’re all in it together, right? That’s a low price to pay for complete equality of all life outcomes. We’ll all own the means of production together so each of us can all take a turn being CEO. That’s pretty cool, huh?

Who needs to read Solzhenitsyn’s Gulag Archipelago or give away 2/3 of their stuff? We’ll soon be able to give away 2/3 of someone else’s stuff, which will prove how compassionate we are. Viva socialism!